Couples therapy is increasingly important and relevant with the rates of divorce and separation climbing. For those who are struggling with relational problems or considering ending their relationship, couples therapy is a tool for managing conflict and making healthy choices. For those who are married, partnered, considering making a long term – and hopefully final- commitment couples therapy can be a great resource to building intimacy and resiliency for the challenges every couple and family face. Finding a therapist who respects the strengths of your connection and who will take a strengths-based approach is important.
In 26 years of clinical practice I’ve learned creating a strong, intimate connection in your marriage is the most important, most meaningful and most challenging work that you can do. Despite the challenges facing all couples these days, marriage is the primary tool available to you for personal development and maturity. (I use the word marriage in the most inclusive sense, honoring those who are not permitted to legally marry and their relationships.)
I encourage you to face opportunities for growth and maturity within your relationship because it provides the necessary “lab” for the “growing-up” each of us can accomplish as adults. In couples therapy I create an atmosphere of respect for your relationship and each individual. I ‘hold the tension’ between couples as I work with each partner to develop the skills to manage their own anxiety within the relationship and take responsibility to work on healing themselves.
For starters, I will help you develop your capacity to risk yourself within your relationship and your ability to successfully invite your partner to do the same. Compromise, “better communication” and negotiation will help you collaborate but won’t build joy, intimacy or marital satisfaction. Compromise creates an atmosphere of disappointment and frankly, negotiating away differences may extract excitement from the relationship, causing a loss of eroticism. There are exciting, playful and incredibly satisfying options to giving up or getting out! As a human race, we are now exploring new frontiers in intimacy; it is a great joy to participate personally and professionally, in this process of human growth and development.