Is the Winter coming?

Do healthy marriages have ‘seasons’?  

If so, what does Winter look like?  Is this the time when ruts are ruts, passion is cool, and comfortable is just, well….boring? Does commitment cause cooling in a relationship? Is it possible after 15, 20 years that the fire is out? Is this normal?

It is hard to determine what is “normal’ when couples are asking more and more of their relationship commitments than ever before in human civilization.

Healthy, long term relationships are not sustained only by erotic energy. They are sustained by a variety of important relationship skills and habits:

The ability to turn toward rather than away from your partner in conflict.

The ability to avoid blame.

Humor, creativity and acceptance.

Humility and willingness to work on oneself.

A mutual desire to repair damages to the relationship; and to protect it from the hazards of life.

Willingness to accept the influence of your partner to become your best self.

Sometimes individual therapy can help you figure out where you are stuck. Sometimes marriage counseling can help. Sometimes taking some extended time away with each other makes a pivotal difference.

Email me if you want a consultation on your relationship; come for individual therapy, or for marriage counseling; it won’t hurt and it will probably help.

About Elizabeth

6832 North Avenue, Suite 4B Just west of Oak Park Avenue Phone: 312-815-9607 Email: Elizabeth (Betsy) was trained at Kansas State University (M.S.) and McCormick Theological Seminary (M.Div.) in counseling and psychotherapy. She is licensed to practice in the state of Illinois and is a member of the American Association of Pastoral Counseling. She practices the art and science of psychotherapy which is a form of listening and reflecting that engages our capacity to heal and transform the conditions and problems that undermine our mental health and wellness. It is useful for individuals, families and couples. It creates a safe space where the story of one’s life can unfold and become open for change.
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