I have recently listened to a wonderful podcast interview of Dr. Allen Schore , UCLA Center for Culture, Brain, and Development. He was interviewed by Dr. Drew about the dramatic changes to the field of brain health, psychotherapy and human health overall. With recent studies we have learned a great deal of new information about the brain and how it affects our lives and relationships. And I also just read a related blog by Wendy Allen, a marriage therapist in California about intimacy and desire and the brain.
Although Dr. Schore focuses on the neuroplasticity of the brain and trauma, he does point out that it is a rare human to makes it to adulthood without any trauma at all. Further into the podcast he makes clear how from infancy and probably perinatally the connections in our brain evolve directly from relationships with those most close to us. For example, mirroring of expressions between a mother and child are happening on the face and in the brain, all at the same time. These instinctive, intimate moments also occur between couples.
As we lie close, make love, gaze into each other’s eyes, hold one another, we are mapping connections one to another, neurologically. And it must also be true as we inflict pain and trauma on each other this is mapped as well.
So, it is true that as we see the best in each other we literally make it true. This must be what makes marriage such a challenge and such a machine for maturing humans for those who endure the challenges. In fact, we can change and we are changing all the time.