Can We Change?

I have recently listened to a wonderful podcast interview of Dr. Allen Schore , UCLA Center for Culture, Brain, and Development. He was interviewed by Dr. Drew about the dramatic changes to the field of brain health, psychotherapy and human health overall. With recent studies we have learned a great deal of new information about the brain and how it affects our lives and relationships. And I also just read a related blog by Wendy Allen, a marriage therapist in California about intimacy and desire and the brain.

Although Dr. Schore focuses on the neuroplasticity of the brain and trauma, he does point out that it is a rare human to makes it to adulthood without any trauma at all.  Further into the podcast he makes clear how from infancy and probably perinatally the connections in our brain evolve directly from relationships with those most close to us.  For example, mirroring of expressions between a mother and child are happening on the face and in the brain, all at the same time.  These instinctive, intimate moments also occur between couples.

As we lie close, make love, gaze into each other’s eyes, hold one another, we are mapping connections one to another, neurologically. And it must also be true as we inflict pain and trauma on each other this is mapped as well.

So, it is true that as we see the best in each other we literally make it true. This must be what makes marriage such a challenge and such a machine for maturing humans for those who endure the challenges. In fact, we can change and we are changing all the time.

About Elizabeth

6832 North Avenue, Suite 4B Just west of Oak Park Avenue Phone: 312-815-9607 Email: Elizabeth (Betsy) was trained at Kansas State University (M.S.) and McCormick Theological Seminary (M.Div.) in counseling and psychotherapy. She is licensed to practice in the state of Illinois and is a member of the American Association of Pastoral Counseling. She practices the art and science of psychotherapy which is a form of listening and reflecting that engages our capacity to heal and transform the conditions and problems that undermine our mental health and wellness. It is useful for individuals, families and couples. It creates a safe space where the story of one’s life can unfold and become open for change.
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